"Gym-security"

I just started the jumping, painful and challenging workout program called "Death By Kayla" -- I mean, the "Bikini Body Guide" by Kayla Itsines. Anyone who has done her workouts will understand how I got the name wrong at first. ;)

Anyway, it requires a lot of burpees, jump squats, mountain climbers and anything else that will get whatever flab you have jiggling. It gets the sweat pouring down your face -- we're talking to the point of droplets like rain hitting the floor. It makes your tidy ponytail come undone, and it sometimes leaves you collapsing on the floor in your sweat puddles trying to keep your breakfast from revisiting you and those around you.

Why am I going into such detail? It's not to review Kayla's workouts (although I'm thoroughly enjoying the challenge despite all I just explained!), but because gaining the confidence to do those exercises in front of others is often harder than the workout itself.

I've come a long way since I first walked into a gym. I'd walk in quietly, not making any eye contact, and then hop on a treadmill to play it safe. I finally gained courage to try some of the strength machines, but only if I had a friend there with me who I could pretend everyone was watching instead. Then I got a personal trainer. She helped a lot with my confidence, but it still took a lot of pushing to make myself stand in front of all those mirrors and lift dumbbells next to Mr. Buff and Ms. Skinny Strong. I got used to that and eventually squats. I still worried people were judging me with those, but I did them anyway.

Abs took a little longer. I wasn't about to let people see my belly rolls bunch up and spread out as I crunched and huffed and puffed on the gym floor. Eventually, I even did those.

Now, I've pushed pass the insecurities in almost all areas -- to where the scene described in the second paragraph is the norm and I'm absolutely okay with that -- even on fat days.

What surprised me this morning as I scrolled through Instagram, was finding another BBG girl expressing her own insecurities about doing the guides in front of others. Many others were posting comments agreeing with her. They were explaining how they could never do the workouts in front of others or they go to a private room at the gym or stay in the women's only area. A lot of these girls had abs already showing up along with toned legs and arms -- completely fit and beautiful. It shocked me they had so much insecurity.

While it was comforting to know I'm not the only one who struggles with gym confidence, it was also heartbreaking. We girls are WAY too hard on ourselves. We focus more on tiny jiggles while we jump and less on the hard work we're putting into becoming healthier and stronger. That has to change. No matter how fit you get physically, if you can't find confidence in your mind along the journey, it won't change much. Most of us start the journey hoping for happiness and confidence once we get our dream bodies, but it won't appear magically with defined arms and flat abs. We need to work just as hard at building ourselves up, celebrating our tiny successes along the way and recognizing the beauty we already have.

Like I said, I wasn't always panting like a puppy and jumping like a kangaroo in front of everyone at the gym, but I knew I needed to turn my insecurity into "gym-SECURITY," so I did, one little thought and action at a time.

Here's what has helped me:

1. If someone is taking time out of his or her workout to judge how I look during mine, that says more about them than it does me. Why should I care what some ugly-on-the-inside person thinks of me when I'm clearly there working hard to improve my body on the outside? I shouldn't.

2. Practice makes perfect. If someone judges my incorrect form silently...again, it's THEIR problem. No one does a squat or push-up perfectly the first few times. That judging know-it-all? They didn't know what they were doing at first either, whether they'd admit it or not.

3. I started with what I knew. Curls were easy. Straightforward. I knew I could do those correctly. So I started the workouts with what I was confident about doing. Then I added in ones I struggled with a bit more. Slowly, overcoming the struggling exercises became just as confidence-building as doing easier ones.

4. I smiled at people (and hopefully not in a creepy way!). This goes with the saying "fake it until you make it." Nothing makes you look more confident than a smile and brief eye-contact with someone you're standing next to as you pick up weights or get on the treadmill. Even if you don't feel it, you'll look it and it'll help.

5. I realized most other people were probably feeling a little insecure, too, and not even really watching me.

6. I learned to love myself. I noticed how far I was coming physically. I applauded myself for getting up off the couch. I realized I was strong and kind on the inside and that's all you really need to succeed with anything.

So, don't let the fear of coming across one mean-spirited gym rat keep you from feeling free to jump around and sweat and try new things at the gym. Have fun, smile, work hard and be strong mentally. The rest will follow.