How You See Yourself

"You are one good looking, sexy beast of a chick!"

I wish I thought that when I looked in the mirror every morning.

"You're so strong and beautiful."

I rarely think that.

What DO I think?

"Ugh, look at that messy bed head."

OR...

"That popcorn last night left you quite poofy this morning, my dear! You should chug some lemon water...like yesterday."

On REALLY bad mornings, I think both -- and then even more pleasant comments about how my appearance is lacking in some way.

That's what's wrong with a lot of us ladies. We tend to focus on the negative whether we want to admit it or not. We grab onto it like we would a free pair of Nikes at a sporting goods store.

It's a sad truth, but it is a truth -- one I often try to disregard. After all, I'm the Queen of Positivity -- when it comes to other people. If you utter, "I'm sooo fat," around me, it's over with! I'm fussing at ya, sister! You don't need to speak so harshly to yourself. When it's me saying it, it's just the fact of the day.

I think most of us are that way. We can spot the beauty in someone else long before we see it in ourselves. Even if it's not immediately obvious, or doesn't match up to society's standard of beauty, we search and search for it until we find it. We then say, "Wow, your eyes are so blue!" Or, "You can really put together a stylish outfit!" We want to lift others up, because we know what it's like to feel down.

Yet, one glance at ourselves and we mentally peel off layers and layers of our beauty to find the one unappealing part that often only we can see.

Lately, I've been really bad about that. Someone says, "You look pretty." It's hard for me to smile and just say, "Thanks." Instead, I think, 'Wow, you must not have noticed that extra slice of pizza that made its way to my hips over the last couple days.'

While working out and eating healthy are important and necessary, it is possible to become too obsessed and unrealistic about your goals. It can lead to nasty remarks you make to yourself in your head if you eat an extra serving of dinner or give in to dessert. It can lead to unrealistic feelings of lost strength or endurance when you skip a workout. It can even make you want to give up if you can't measure up to that level of perfection you set for yourself -- but no one can. The most fit, leanest, prettiest girl eats pizza (or her guilty pleasure) now and then. It's life. You're supposed to enjoy it and sometimes that enjoyment is found in a brownie sundae. Fitness and clean eating are supposed to make you feel better -- mentally and physically -- not worse.

As I'm caught in the middle of my own storm of negativity tonight, I'm realizing that. The second you feel like you're not measuring up is the second you need to remember how far you've come and all the positive changes you've made. You've got to remember WHY you eat an apple instead of a cookie most days. You've got to remember WHY you make yourself sweat as your heart beats faster and faster. It's not to become perfect (there's truly no such thing) or to have the flattest stomach possible. It's to FEEL good and live a fuller, healthier life.

So, the second you want to tell yourself mean things because of a detour you took along your healthy journey, look at yourself the way others look at you -- search for the beauty. It's that sparkle in your eye, the little gap in between your teeth that makes your smile unique, your strong legs or feminine curves. You're fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Treat yourself like the special, one-of-a-kind creation that you are. What matters most is how you see yourself, and your beauty goes way beyond that mirror -- no matter what size pants you wear or how many carbs you ate today. Truly love yourself and your healthy lifestyle will become so much easier to live -- because when you love someone, you want to treat her in the best way possible.

Falling into BALANCE

You're in the middle of a yoga class. Everything is going great... until the instructor asks you to lift one leg off the ground. The wobble begins. You look around to see if you're the only one struggling. Others are standing strong and firm. Then you realize looking around only made matters worse. You're not struggling anymore, because your body made friends with the ground.

Okay, so maybe that's just me, and you're excellent at the Dancer's Pose; but regardless, that previous scenario summed up my entire year. I lacked balance. Not just in yoga, but in all areas of my life.

This year... that is going to change! A friend introduced me to the One Word Resolution. Instead of a list, the goal is to focus on one specific word daily for the entire year. I chose "balance."

Time. I need to balance that. I'm evaluating where I "waste" a lot of time -- on the Internet, watching Netflix, complaining about all there is to do instead of just getting it done. We all have the same amount of time. I just need to balance mine better.

My relationships with people. I realize I'm a little more introverted and self-centered than I should be. So, some days, I'm going to have to say no to reading an extra chapter in my book or just staring off into space daydreaming, and actually go spend time with the people I love or call them to catch up, so hey, they might realize I actually DO care about them more than it appears.

Health. Here's a biggie: I tend to obsess over my workouts and calories. If I fall short, I beat myself up over it. If I eat that cookie, I feel guilty and it throws my entire day out of whack... because sugar is bad for you and all the healthy people avoid dessert always, right? Nope. I mean, some do, but most don't fret over the occasional treat. Skipping workouts? That, like, NEVER happens. I love working out. Almost too much -- refer to above -- I'd rather go to the gym than go to dinner. That needs to change. Working out is good, but I need to let my body rest more when it needs it. Now, the holidays have been a different story. I ate too much -- even healthy foods -- and spent a bit more time on my butt than pounding the pavement, but I know how I was the majority of last year and it was NOT balanced.

So, here's to hoping for healthy minds, relationships and bodies for ALL of us in 2015. I'm hoping my word will keep me focused, and I'll achieve that balance I need after falling on the ground so much last year.

Anyone else make resolutions? What's your plan for keeping them?