13.1 Thoughts During My First Half Marathon

"And they're off!"

I usually go to Keeneland only to hear that when the horses run.

Yesterday, it was MY turn to race.

Run the Bluegrass, which is considered "America's Prettiest Half Marathon," was my first ever experience with a half marathon and completing a 13.1 mile run/walk.

The course went through horse farms along the beautiful (and challenging) rolling hills of Lexington countryside.

Because it was my first half, I had an idea of when I wanted to finish (2:30:00), but my ultimate goal was simply crossing the finish line.

The feeling of running across the line, hearing cheers from strangers and having a medal placed around my neck was unforgettable.

I was proud of myself for finishing even if it was four minutes and 19 seconds later than my ideal time.

During the race, I had a lot of time to think.

So, here's a thought for each mile:

1. "I should have found a bathroom BEFORE the race started. Standing in line for several minutes is a total waste of racing time."

2. "I'm going to run all the way up this hill! I'm feeling good! I got this! This is SO easy. Oh, wait, it's only been two miles. OK, let's just keep this up for 11 more..."

3. "Yes! I ran a 5K. Maybe I earned a walking break. Nope, not yet."

4. "FINALLY...other people are starting to walk up these dreadful hills. I'll walk a bit too."

5. "Wow, it really IS pretty. Look at those beautiful horses take off running -- that speed and strength! I should take pictures like those other girls. Nope, gotta keep running... make up for that bathroom break!"

6. "Halfway there! Well...almost. Gosh, my knee is aching! I think I WILL stop and take a picture now."

7. "Who cares if I'm slow?! I'm doing this. There was a time I never thought I'd finish a 5K and THAT seemed scary. Here I am...achieving what I once thought was impossible! I'm going to keep going and cross that finish line and be an inspiration to everyone else who thinks they can't do it."

8. "Running and walking is truly a privilege. I'm never going to take it for granted. So many people have had this opportunity taken away from them. They'll never know what it's like to experience this. I'm running for them. I'll continue moving while I can and pray for those who struggle."

9. "Time for another peanut butter GU. Yum."

10. "Okay...just a 5K left to go. I got this."

11. "BEER?! They're giving us beer as we run by?! Would I like another one? Yes, PLEASE!!!" (Kentucky Ale is amazing, btw!)

12. "Big hills are better while slightly tipsy. I'm thankful to be a lightweight."

13. "I'm running this entire last mile -- no walking! Going out strong and fast! This is soo exciting! I see the finish line. I actually did it!!!"

13.1 "This medal is heavier than I expected. Nice! So pretty. Oh my! I get chocolate milk AND a banana! WHAT...a goodie bag with peanut butter, too?! Alright, where's my free slice of pizza? I need to stretch first. My brain is still flying low. I think my body is in shock of what just happened. It went so fast. I can't wait until next year!"

So, there you have it. What I didn't already say is I almost backed out earlier this month. Minor injuries and more freezing temps and snow than I expected really messed with my training, and I didn't feel ready until I tried for 10 miles last week.

After encouragement from Facebook friends who run, I decided to follow through with it, and I'm SO glad I did! The atmosphere was a lot less intense than I pictured for a half marathon -- many people competing and truly racing, yes, but also a lot of run/walkers like myself who just wanted to have fun.

All this to say, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to and you should! Don't let fear or being afraid you're not good enough or strong enough or capable enough stop you. I have asthma, and I couldn't run all the way around a block when I first started trying. Now, I did this. YOU CAN TOO.

Just remember... "I can do all things through CHRIST who gives me STRENGTH."

To God alone be the glory. I'm blessed he's given me legs that allow me to walk and run.

***PHOTOS***

Before the run...bright and early! AND COLD.

 Getting ready to start!

Some of the gorgeous views along the way...

This sign made me laugh...

Keep moving, Feet!

Pizza! FINALLY!

Heading home with my lovely medal and feeling accomplished!

"Gym-security"

I just started the jumping, painful and challenging workout program called "Death By Kayla" -- I mean, the "Bikini Body Guide" by Kayla Itsines. Anyone who has done her workouts will understand how I got the name wrong at first. ;)

Anyway, it requires a lot of burpees, jump squats, mountain climbers and anything else that will get whatever flab you have jiggling. It gets the sweat pouring down your face -- we're talking to the point of droplets like rain hitting the floor. It makes your tidy ponytail come undone, and it sometimes leaves you collapsing on the floor in your sweat puddles trying to keep your breakfast from revisiting you and those around you.

Why am I going into such detail? It's not to review Kayla's workouts (although I'm thoroughly enjoying the challenge despite all I just explained!), but because gaining the confidence to do those exercises in front of others is often harder than the workout itself.

I've come a long way since I first walked into a gym. I'd walk in quietly, not making any eye contact, and then hop on a treadmill to play it safe. I finally gained courage to try some of the strength machines, but only if I had a friend there with me who I could pretend everyone was watching instead. Then I got a personal trainer. She helped a lot with my confidence, but it still took a lot of pushing to make myself stand in front of all those mirrors and lift dumbbells next to Mr. Buff and Ms. Skinny Strong. I got used to that and eventually squats. I still worried people were judging me with those, but I did them anyway.

Abs took a little longer. I wasn't about to let people see my belly rolls bunch up and spread out as I crunched and huffed and puffed on the gym floor. Eventually, I even did those.

Now, I've pushed pass the insecurities in almost all areas -- to where the scene described in the second paragraph is the norm and I'm absolutely okay with that -- even on fat days.

What surprised me this morning as I scrolled through Instagram, was finding another BBG girl expressing her own insecurities about doing the guides in front of others. Many others were posting comments agreeing with her. They were explaining how they could never do the workouts in front of others or they go to a private room at the gym or stay in the women's only area. A lot of these girls had abs already showing up along with toned legs and arms -- completely fit and beautiful. It shocked me they had so much insecurity.

While it was comforting to know I'm not the only one who struggles with gym confidence, it was also heartbreaking. We girls are WAY too hard on ourselves. We focus more on tiny jiggles while we jump and less on the hard work we're putting into becoming healthier and stronger. That has to change. No matter how fit you get physically, if you can't find confidence in your mind along the journey, it won't change much. Most of us start the journey hoping for happiness and confidence once we get our dream bodies, but it won't appear magically with defined arms and flat abs. We need to work just as hard at building ourselves up, celebrating our tiny successes along the way and recognizing the beauty we already have.

Like I said, I wasn't always panting like a puppy and jumping like a kangaroo in front of everyone at the gym, but I knew I needed to turn my insecurity into "gym-SECURITY," so I did, one little thought and action at a time.

Here's what has helped me:

1. If someone is taking time out of his or her workout to judge how I look during mine, that says more about them than it does me. Why should I care what some ugly-on-the-inside person thinks of me when I'm clearly there working hard to improve my body on the outside? I shouldn't.

2. Practice makes perfect. If someone judges my incorrect form silently...again, it's THEIR problem. No one does a squat or push-up perfectly the first few times. That judging know-it-all? They didn't know what they were doing at first either, whether they'd admit it or not.

3. I started with what I knew. Curls were easy. Straightforward. I knew I could do those correctly. So I started the workouts with what I was confident about doing. Then I added in ones I struggled with a bit more. Slowly, overcoming the struggling exercises became just as confidence-building as doing easier ones.

4. I smiled at people (and hopefully not in a creepy way!). This goes with the saying "fake it until you make it." Nothing makes you look more confident than a smile and brief eye-contact with someone you're standing next to as you pick up weights or get on the treadmill. Even if you don't feel it, you'll look it and it'll help.

5. I realized most other people were probably feeling a little insecure, too, and not even really watching me.

6. I learned to love myself. I noticed how far I was coming physically. I applauded myself for getting up off the couch. I realized I was strong and kind on the inside and that's all you really need to succeed with anything.

So, don't let the fear of coming across one mean-spirited gym rat keep you from feeling free to jump around and sweat and try new things at the gym. Have fun, smile, work hard and be strong mentally. The rest will follow.

The Circle of Inspiration

Cold weather. Snow. Clouds.

All of that makes me want to hide under the covers with a good book, a cup of coffee and a bag of Oreos or popcorn all day long.

Unfortunately, I actually have done that quite a bit lately.

So, I wake up the next morning with my leggings -- yes, my LEGGINGS, known for their loving stretch in every direction -- feeling a bit tighter.

Then I step on the scale and to myself say, "Today is the day, Kristin! You're eating clean ALL day. No sweets, just fruit. No entire bags of popcorn, just raw vegetables."

Then I discover a bar of dark chocolate hiding in my workout clothing drawer, skip the workout, and go back to bed again with my book and chocolate.

I blame it on winter. That's the easy thing to do. It's what even the muscular men and girls with visible abs occasionally blame a cheat meal on -- their version might be a little piece of white bread with their grilled chicken (not an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's, like mine). Excuses are found everywhere -- especially in winter. Everyone agrees on that. I bet people in Florida even find something about winter to blame a bad meal on if they search hard enough.

However, every day hasn't been like that, because deep down, I know I still want success on this journey more than I want to be lazy every single day and even more than I want to eat an entire jar of peanut butter every day (I tried that one very dark, sad night, by the way, and discovered it's actually the one thing I can't eat an entire jar of in one sitting... lucky for me!).

So, while eating doughnuts as long as they fit into my maintenance calories isn't giving me results right now, it's at least keeping me from undoing all my progress from last year. Yet, I still let myself feel down about it and have that fear of what if I DO undo it all little by little. Then I get discouraged.

That was until a couple of my friends -- who love cookies and movies as much as I do -- started eating healthy and working out. Yes, you read that right... IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! Talk about inspiring. They've cleaned up their diets, are taking walks daily, and have a new confidence and glow about them! I was so excited for them.

I told them how they are inspiring me to get my glow back, because honestly, how does a doughnut make you glow even if it fits in your calorie allotment for the day? It doesn't. I'm like, sitting there thinking how I really love healthy food, so why am I eating crap (excuse my French). They didn't even start off loving it and they're eating more of it than I am lately.

So, after that talk yesterday, I changed again. I ate fruit and carrots and cucumbers in the middle of the night when I was hungry after eating well all day. Today, I'm going to do it again.

BUT...what was most surprising about the talk we had at a restaurant where we usually load up on the fried foods was not that we were happy to eat healthy there, but that I actually inspired THEM to start their OWN journey.

Yes, me who binge eats in the middle of winter nights now and then even after a good workout; but they don't see that part of me, they just see the results of my progress last year and finally realized they want to feel better, too. They know me, and they saw me change and knew if I could -- ANYONE could. I inspired them even in the midst of my struggle. That felt great to hear.

Now, while they didn't know my struggle lately and their journey is just beginning, they inspired me to really take a look at my diet again and get real with myself instead of staying comfortable.

It's the circle of inspiration! That's why...

ONE: You should never give up. You don't know who is seeing each tiny, positive step of your journey (like ordering a water instead of soda or getting on a treadmill instead of starting a Netflix marathon) and feeling inspired to make their own healthy decisions. Later, their success you in some way may have helped get started will help you when you want to give up again.

TWO: No one is perfect. It's those tiny decisions that eventually add up and allow you to progress. You're going to eat a cookie -- or a box of them -- now and then. One workout -- heck, even five months of workouts -- won't necessarily make you look like Carrie Underwood. But all those positive steps make you FEEL better, which makes you keep going and inspires those around you -- and later inspires you again when you need it most.

So, today, you can make excuses -- even where it's warm -- those are everywhere! Or you can let them go, and remember what you want most and go for it, all in, until you get there. I believe you can do it, but you've got to believe it, too! Just NEVER give up.

The "FitGriddle"

It doesn't matter how much knowledge you have about the evils of most fast food.

You know the number of calories, the chemicals, and the questionable methods of preparation that goes into convenience like that.

Yet, the cravings still hit. I craved a McGriddle this morning, and I don't even remember the last time I went through the Golden Arches for a meal. 

Right as I began staring at my UGGs and wondering if I had a couple dollars in change to give in to one of my many guilty pleasures, I stopped myself.

I decided that my long-term goals were more important than my short-term cravings.

That makes me sound pretty motivated, right?! ;)

Truth be told, I really just had a healthy version come to mind (so as much as I'd like to say I'm all about that willpower, I just knew I'd still maybe get the taste!). I decided to give it a shot. It could be disgusting or it could be wonderful.

Five short minutes later (I still would have been sitting in that drive-thru line, btw!), I was taking a guiltless, wonderful bite of my newest kitchen creation.

So, if you like that sweet and salty combination for breakfast now and then, here's what you can do...

The "FitGriddle"

280 calories

-1/2 banana 

-2 eggs

-Walden Farms Pancake Syrup

-Jimmy Deans Fully-Cooked Turkey Sausage Patty

-Sargento Ultra-Thin Colby-Jack Cheese Slice

1. Mash the banana, and beat with one of the eggs. Pour two "pancakes" onto pre-heated pan over medium heat. Let them cook about a minute before drizzling syrup on each one. Flip when golden brown and finish cooking.

2. Meanwhile, make an egg "patty" in another pan while the turkey sausage warms up in the microwave. Melt slice of cheese on the egg in the pan.

3. Assemble like a sandwich & enjoy! 

P.S. I typically prefer "clean" foods, so these are a bit more processed than I'd like...but it's a nice treat and still a better choice than the drive-thru! Let me know what you think!

How You See Yourself

"You are one good looking, sexy beast of a chick!"

I wish I thought that when I looked in the mirror every morning.

"You're so strong and beautiful."

I rarely think that.

What DO I think?

"Ugh, look at that messy bed head."

OR...

"That popcorn last night left you quite poofy this morning, my dear! You should chug some lemon water...like yesterday."

On REALLY bad mornings, I think both -- and then even more pleasant comments about how my appearance is lacking in some way.

That's what's wrong with a lot of us ladies. We tend to focus on the negative whether we want to admit it or not. We grab onto it like we would a free pair of Nikes at a sporting goods store.

It's a sad truth, but it is a truth -- one I often try to disregard. After all, I'm the Queen of Positivity -- when it comes to other people. If you utter, "I'm sooo fat," around me, it's over with! I'm fussing at ya, sister! You don't need to speak so harshly to yourself. When it's me saying it, it's just the fact of the day.

I think most of us are that way. We can spot the beauty in someone else long before we see it in ourselves. Even if it's not immediately obvious, or doesn't match up to society's standard of beauty, we search and search for it until we find it. We then say, "Wow, your eyes are so blue!" Or, "You can really put together a stylish outfit!" We want to lift others up, because we know what it's like to feel down.

Yet, one glance at ourselves and we mentally peel off layers and layers of our beauty to find the one unappealing part that often only we can see.

Lately, I've been really bad about that. Someone says, "You look pretty." It's hard for me to smile and just say, "Thanks." Instead, I think, 'Wow, you must not have noticed that extra slice of pizza that made its way to my hips over the last couple days.'

While working out and eating healthy are important and necessary, it is possible to become too obsessed and unrealistic about your goals. It can lead to nasty remarks you make to yourself in your head if you eat an extra serving of dinner or give in to dessert. It can lead to unrealistic feelings of lost strength or endurance when you skip a workout. It can even make you want to give up if you can't measure up to that level of perfection you set for yourself -- but no one can. The most fit, leanest, prettiest girl eats pizza (or her guilty pleasure) now and then. It's life. You're supposed to enjoy it and sometimes that enjoyment is found in a brownie sundae. Fitness and clean eating are supposed to make you feel better -- mentally and physically -- not worse.

As I'm caught in the middle of my own storm of negativity tonight, I'm realizing that. The second you feel like you're not measuring up is the second you need to remember how far you've come and all the positive changes you've made. You've got to remember WHY you eat an apple instead of a cookie most days. You've got to remember WHY you make yourself sweat as your heart beats faster and faster. It's not to become perfect (there's truly no such thing) or to have the flattest stomach possible. It's to FEEL good and live a fuller, healthier life.

So, the second you want to tell yourself mean things because of a detour you took along your healthy journey, look at yourself the way others look at you -- search for the beauty. It's that sparkle in your eye, the little gap in between your teeth that makes your smile unique, your strong legs or feminine curves. You're fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Treat yourself like the special, one-of-a-kind creation that you are. What matters most is how you see yourself, and your beauty goes way beyond that mirror -- no matter what size pants you wear or how many carbs you ate today. Truly love yourself and your healthy lifestyle will become so much easier to live -- because when you love someone, you want to treat her in the best way possible.

Falling into BALANCE

You're in the middle of a yoga class. Everything is going great... until the instructor asks you to lift one leg off the ground. The wobble begins. You look around to see if you're the only one struggling. Others are standing strong and firm. Then you realize looking around only made matters worse. You're not struggling anymore, because your body made friends with the ground.

Okay, so maybe that's just me, and you're excellent at the Dancer's Pose; but regardless, that previous scenario summed up my entire year. I lacked balance. Not just in yoga, but in all areas of my life.

This year... that is going to change! A friend introduced me to the One Word Resolution. Instead of a list, the goal is to focus on one specific word daily for the entire year. I chose "balance."

Time. I need to balance that. I'm evaluating where I "waste" a lot of time -- on the Internet, watching Netflix, complaining about all there is to do instead of just getting it done. We all have the same amount of time. I just need to balance mine better.

My relationships with people. I realize I'm a little more introverted and self-centered than I should be. So, some days, I'm going to have to say no to reading an extra chapter in my book or just staring off into space daydreaming, and actually go spend time with the people I love or call them to catch up, so hey, they might realize I actually DO care about them more than it appears.

Health. Here's a biggie: I tend to obsess over my workouts and calories. If I fall short, I beat myself up over it. If I eat that cookie, I feel guilty and it throws my entire day out of whack... because sugar is bad for you and all the healthy people avoid dessert always, right? Nope. I mean, some do, but most don't fret over the occasional treat. Skipping workouts? That, like, NEVER happens. I love working out. Almost too much -- refer to above -- I'd rather go to the gym than go to dinner. That needs to change. Working out is good, but I need to let my body rest more when it needs it. Now, the holidays have been a different story. I ate too much -- even healthy foods -- and spent a bit more time on my butt than pounding the pavement, but I know how I was the majority of last year and it was NOT balanced.

So, here's to hoping for healthy minds, relationships and bodies for ALL of us in 2015. I'm hoping my word will keep me focused, and I'll achieve that balance I need after falling on the ground so much last year.

Anyone else make resolutions? What's your plan for keeping them?